Testimonies From The Lighthouse
Cheryl Rodgers
I was born in Kingston, Ontario to parents who were not ready for me, or marriage. It was a violent household and my first exposure to the name of Jesus was through my father’s profanity-laced strings of curses that would come with all the beatings he dished out to my mother, and me. He never touched my younger brother. (My Mom confessed to me in 2006, the year she died, that she aborted her third pregnancy because she was so afraid of what Dad would do to her). I became aware that our lives were not “normal” at around the age of seven when I began to physically defend my mother from my father’s assaults. My family split that Christmas.
The abuse continued through a succession of boyfriends, and eventually my stepfather, and Mom became an alcoholic and a violent abuser herself. I was also being bullied at school. We had moved to Calgary and she was having an affair with a married truck driver who had two small daughters of his own. I had no love for this man and he knew it. I fought him off my Mom on several occasions and one time I called the police for help. He called the police back and told them all was fine and they did not come. A few days later, I was alone with him in the car and we were near the slaughter yards in the Ogden area. He pulled over to the side of a quiet road. A large hill sloped up my side of the car and I could see a black trestle train bridge up ahead. He pulled a revolver from behind him and pointed it to my head. I froze, looking straight ahead. Suddenly, he moved the gun, and fired it right in front of my face, out the side window of the car, into the hillside. I remember the noise, the smell, and the puff of dust that came up from the ground when the bullet struck it. More than that, I remember a switch in my psyche. I would never trust, never marry, never have children. I was 10 years old. I was 10 years old when I first attempted suicide.
My maternal Grampa stepped in and began to father me. We had a shared love for horses and that was the foundation for our relationship. I loved Grampa deeply and he taught me about community service and began to take me with him to church. I received Jesus Christ at about 15 years old. There was no follow-up by the church and little support from my family about my decision, so I drifted away.
The insecurities remained. I only had two serious relationships, but when the engagement rings came, I could not handle it and sabotaged the relationships. This continued throughout my adult life with serious conflicts around abandonment and commitment. I could not relate to anyone beyond a superficial level. I became promiscuous and only found my value in work and achievement.
The Lord disarmed me in 1993. I lost everything in a split second car collision. I was homeless, suicidal, and lived in my car for 2 years before my settlement came. Because of the stress and challenges of attending physiotherapy and then freezing in my car, my injuries became chronic. I was diagnosed with Post-traumatic Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and borderline personality disorder, along with post-traumatic stress disorder. Essentially, I was stripped down to absolutely nothing before the Lord began His work in rebuilding me.
Telling a workaholic that she is “unemployable in the real world” and that there is “no expectation of recovery” doesn’t do much to motivate rehabilitation. The Lord finally led me to Lighthouse Church in 2004. This is where the real work in me began, and without the commitment, love, and faithfulness of my church family, I would not be here today. It has been a very rough ride and at the same time, unequivocally the absolute best years of my life. I am growing up, finally! In Christ I am becoming a new creation! Praise the Lord!
My favorite Scriptures are Jeremiah 29:11; “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” And Philippians 1:6; “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ.”